Oh Spring, where art thou?

Okay, not exactly the way Shakespeare would have put it.

Here it is on the verge of spring, 2010. Wow. Nearly 2 years since I started this blog, but of course many months between posts anymore.

So where are we now?

*yes, still working with the same employer. Schedule currently: 11-8. Moving next week to 10:30-7:30. This means less time in the morning to nap. Which might force me to be productive in the mornings. Or mean a shorter nap? I'm not sure which. Seems I have little control over these things.

*gas prices, up & down. Ugh. If I could change one thing (other than winning the lottery, of course) about having to work, I'd like a commuter train so I could sit & read or relax on my trip to/from town for work, not drive & spend money on gas.

*Ned's job... well, over 2009 his company laid off about 1/2 its workforce. Ned had enough seniority that he didn't lose his job. But every minute of OT was cut. Bottom line: in 2009, Ned made $20,000 LESS than in 2008. Ouch.

*We are not making a ton of headway on our debt, but at least we're managing. Which considering the loss of income, says a lot.

*I am still taking fluoxetine, and have managed to work myself up to a daily dose now without side effects.

*In December of 09, I finally took the time to have several surgeries that were needed. And so for the moment it seems that medically, I'm in okay shape. Of course, no answer to the other medical mysteries yet (numb face, etc). But I've pretty much given up on them & just ignore it.

The hernia that had developed (from previous surgery incisions) is healing now, although I have some strange pain in left side. Surgeon says probably due to "referred" pain. Something the mesh is sewed to in the middle of abdomen is causing nerve pain on the left.

Also had a hysterectomy, but still have my right ovary, since left was already gone. The uterus had taken a nosedive & was flat as a pancake, along with prolapsed bladder & bowels. Yeah, nasty. But all back in place now & healing up.

*Ned's medical issues... well, he's still smoking, and my observation leads me to believe he's increased his intake in recent months, after working himself down again. His smoking kinda reminds me of my weight issues. Which is why I don't ride him too much about it b/c I understand that struggle.

However, in 2009 Ned developed a new medical issue for him. At the risk of being too graphic, let's just say our sex life took a nosedive. I forced him to see his family doctor, but the doctor thinks its due to smoking and high cholesterol. Both issues Ned doesn't want to deal with. So, it just is what it is.

Considering the condition my girly parts were in for most of 2009, it was a non issue. Now that I'm fixed, it's becoming an issue.

However, the biggest issue with Ned is the same one I keep going round & round about. And that is the fact that I'm just plain old lonely in this relationship. And then I feel guilty feeling that way because he works hard, doesn't demand much of me, loves the kids, etc. He has very many excellent qualities. But I feel sometimes that we're more like roommates than spouses.

The good thing is that because of our work schedules, we don't spend nearly as much time together anymore. Just days I don't work. And in the past few months, when I've actually had the same days off as Ned (Sat & Sun), it's become more of an issue for me.

Sure, we have to do laundry, clean house, grocery shop, etc. on the weekends. But once that's done and the kids are in bed, all Ned wants to do is lay in the recliner (or bed) and watch TV. He somehow thinks that should be enough "quality time" for me.

I admit, I am a bit needy. I admit, I've always had this (perhaps unrealistic) fantasy that someday I'd feel all the love I didn't feel as a child. Maybe it's wrong of me to expect Ned to be something he isn't??

And then of course, this all goes back to Nellie's nagging. When I don't feel that I am full with love, I fill myself with food.

Ahhh yes. Food. The cure-all.

Incidentally, my younger sister just last week had a gastric bypass in her effort to kill her relationship with food. For her sake, I hope it works. Well, medically it will force her to lose. But I don't know if she's done the hard work of dealing with her relationship with food. And ultimately, that will cause failure.

I think a lot about my relationship with food. As I'm preparing for work, I pack food for the day, since I'm gone over lunch and dinner time. As I'm driving to work, I'm mentally evaluating whether or not I have enough food packed (which I generally do). And I start to see all the grocery stores and restaurants I pass and think "maybe I should stop and get something to eat NOW so I am sure to have enough for later..."

Really now, would I physically *starve* in 8 hours at work? Not in a million years. Will it harm me? No. Then why do I fear it so? Why do I fear hunger?

Maybe because when I feel hunger, it opens up every scary emotion I had as a child. Abandonment, fear that my parent doesn't care if I am hungry or hurt, feelings that I am not valued, loved. Fear that I'm not important to anybody.

It's not just hunger I feel. It's all that emotion that goes hand in hand with it. And I am not strong enough to ignore all that emotion. So I shut it up by eating and never feeling hunger.

The problem is, I usurp the feeling by eating too much, too often.

And I'm not sure what the solution to this all is. It's not just a matter of eating less and exercising more. Eating less and allowing my body to adjust means feeling hunger and facing the dragons within.

And then of course, you add Ned to that mix. It's easy to deal with his issues regarding sex because of course I'm fat and unattractive. But what would happen if I changed that, lost 50 pounds. And then what if nothing changed with Ned?

It's easier to stay the size I am and blame other things on my size. Because if I were to be different and Ned is not, then I have another whole can of worms to deal with. Is he really medically ill? If so, how can I get him to deal with his cholesterol and smoking? If not medical, then what? And oh boy, that's somewhere that he does not want to go.

Well, though I was supposed to let Nellie do the talking, I guess I did not. Not sure how long it will be before I check in again. We'll see if Nellie has any thoughts next time though.

The Roller-Coaster Way

Here it is, the 9th of September...2009! I don't even know where to start on the past year!

I'm going to give Flo a break here, since I just re-read all her notations from last year. Pretty insightful she is, I have to say.

So here's the update on my life:
*I am still working for the same employer. They keep switching my schedule around, so that's been a major hassle to be constantly rearranging babysitting schedules & such.
*Both girls are now in school full time, which is a major relief. Although the school district seems to have at least 1 day/month with early release or no school. What's up w/ that?
*Ned's overtime was completely cut back in January. You want to talk about financial panic? It's been difficult, to say the very least. Thank goodness I got a job last summer. That's the only thing keeping us above water anymore.
*Gas prices went back down to a very low, but now have settled back into the $2.69/gallon range. So I'm still spending a lot of $ to go to work every day. Ned's car died back in December (before we knew the OT was going to be gone) & we replaced it with a new vehicle. So 2 car payments now. Lovely, lovely.
*I've managed to put on at least 10 pounds since starting that job, maybe 15. I just avoid the scale.
*My biggest downfall now is still stress, obviously, although I am taking Fluoxitine (generic Prozac) I can't take it daily b/c then my breasts become extremely pained. So I try to take it every 36 hours. Often it's 2-3 days between doses. Which isn't ideal, obviously. Need to get better at that.
*I haven't been to any counseling, although believe me I still agree w/ Flo that it might help. My current work schedule is 12-9 p.m.
*On the medical front, I finally got a family doctor that I like, only to have her finish her residency & move on. Sucky! BUT before she left, she did really listen to me about my exhaustion and emotions and she suggested I look into whether or not I have sleep apnea.

I thought she was grasping at straws, but turns out she was correct. It hasn't fixed all my medical issues, but it has helped. I'm having some difficulty finding a face mask setup that works for me (my nose itches a lot) but I am sleeping much better. So overall, I do feel somewhat better medically.

*The construction work continues. Last winter we about froze our keesters off due to the basement heating system we put in (radiant hot water pipes under cement) not working properly. We had a pellet stove installed on the main floor and that became our only heat source. It may be our only heat source this winter, too, so to get ready we're trying to do more weatherproofing.

We need to stud in the tuck under garage area & insulate it. That would help a lot. Also finish the sealing up around the house's sill and basement windows too. Still a lot to do and we're into September already.
*No end in sight for the financial/economic downturn in this country. This is very depressing. And what's up w/ Obama? I totally don't understand what he's trying to do as president. He's just got his fingers in too many things at once, and doing none of them well, imo. I had hopes that he'd be a good thing for our country, now I'm wondering.

Well, I need to get myself going to work here soon. But I've been thinking about Flo's words lately and thinking that even though she is annoying and a bit of a know it all, she proabably is right more often than not.

And considering the fact that I have actually gained weight and not lost, I probably need to let her do her thing a bit more. So Flo, the reigns are back in your ballpark. Go at it.

Slow progress...

It's me, Flo, though goodness knows I don't hardly know my name anymore! Like I predicted, Nellie's new job has kept her from having TIME to worry about much at all. Oh, she has worries, but not as much time to devote to them. That, my friends, is indeed a good thing!!!

Nellie's work schedule is Friday-Tuesday from 10-7. This allows her to see the kids in the morning for a bit. When school starts, it will allow her to avoid having to find morning daycare. Works out good for now. Ned is holding down his part of the bargain by tidying up after supper and staying awake (so the kids don't run wild).

It's been a bit of a financial crunch, starting a new job, because the way the pay periods fell, Nellie didn't get paid for 3 weeks. But after she gets paid next week again, then things should start to level off. Gas hit $4.02/gallon last week, so that's a big expense. The neighbor girls who are babysitting are settling into a routine (after some stern talking-to by Nellie after she found they were letting the kids watch too much TV). So things are settling in.

And even though she hasn't really been trying, Nellie has even LOST FIVE POUNDS! Can you believe that!?!?! I am surprised but glad for that. Like I suspected, not having food around and the ability to wander back to the kitchen all day long has helped.

As for the exercise, well she hasn't got to that yet. She had to get a note from her doctor saying she could participate at the fitness center. yeah. Whatever. LOL> So next week finally she shoudl get to do that on lunch hours on M, T & F. That's what I'm putting MY money on for the best chance to lose weight!

When she gets home at 8'ish at night, she's usually quite famished, but she's been trying to eat only smaller portions. That way she won't overeat, but still feel "full" by the time she goes to bed at 10. I know eating that late isn't ideal in terms of digestion, but I'm not sure what else to do. Her break at 5 p.m. or so is only 15 minutes and not really enough to heat or eat a decent meal. So, we'll have to work on that.

But I'm happy to report that I'm getting SOME progress here. I knew that if I just kept at it and kept working on her that she'd see my side of the story eventually! Ha!!!

...and anyone can be touched by Lady Fortune...

So says Carole King in Friday's Tie-Dye Nightmare. Life is a crap shoot, and for once Nellie has rolled a good one!

Not to say this fixes everything that's in chaos right now, but this might be the catalyst that I need to pull her sorry rump out of her worry cycle and get her to focus more on changing her health habits!

If you recall, 2 weeks ago, I wrote of some serious things that need to change for Nellie to snap out of this slump. Well, she's had good news at last!

Last week, Nellie was offered a good paying job with hours she likes and an excellent starting pay! Not to mention the bennies: health insurance cheaper than what her husband's employer offers with SO much better benefits! Dental insurance---something they've never had (so now she doesn't have to worry about how to pay for the kids' checkups!). Paid time off equalling 3 weeks in the first year! (unheard of for most employers). The list goes on & on!

This is an employer she's tried to get into for a few months now and so of course she's very excited. It's pulled her out of the dumps and back to normalcy. Whew! Just when I was thinking we were in for a major low point here!

Secondly, after having to submit 33 more additional pages of documentation to the agency who administers the federal disaster loans, she finally got the call stating that their request for an additional $5300 in loan funds has been approved. Now, $5300 might not sound like a big deal to you, but for Nellie it is. Even with her job starting next week, there is NO way she'd be able to make $5300 (after taxes, gas prices and daycare for the youngest 2) by early fall, which is the deadline set by Mother Nature. If they don't get this basement floor poured by fall and get the furnace reinstalled (and ductwork) then there's going to be major trouble. Winter can start showing its ugly head by late September hereabouts!

So there is relief of having that big worry off her plate (now comes the worry of getting the contractors here to do the work plus tons of work left for Nellie and Ned to do before winter). But not wondering "where's the money coming from?" is a huge plus.

Two of the biggest concerns of Nellie's life at the moment are in the process of being solved. Well at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel now!

And so now soon I'll be able to start working on her health. First off, just going to a job every day (and not sitting around having food to nibble all day) will help out. Just have to make sure she packs a healthy lunch... downtown is fulllll of yummy places to eat out & she'll have a 1-hour lunch again (drat those 1 hour lunch breaks!).

Second is exercise. Get this: Nellie's new employer has an on-site fitness center and they PAY their employee 3 hours per week to EXERCISE in it!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is phenomenal! ! ! So I'm whispering in Nellie's ear already that she needs to get into this habit early and be consistent about it. We haven't yet seen the facility or learned the details, but it's enticing for certain! And if she were to get a gym membership outside of work, they'll reimburse $20/month of it. Ellipticals and treadmills are tough on her left knee, so I'm hoping they'll have some nautilus-type equipment there.

Since Nellie learned the news of her job and the loan's status, I've been informally keeping track of her eating. Haven't yet seen a drastic decline in the inappropriate snacking department, but I hope that will come in time.

One thing that humors me to no end, however wicked it is of me to be humored, is the fact that Nellie has a pretty pathetic wardrobe for work. She has a very nice wardrobe that's 2 sizes too small. All these years, she could have been working out and just cutting back a bit at a time but noooooo, here she is ready to work and nothing to wear. It's her own darn fault. I don't have a lot of sympathy for her.

So hopefully the boring workwear will also prompt some changes here soon. In the meantime, it's black dress pants and the same rotation of several shirts. Tsk Tsk Nellie!

The waiting game...

Wait, wait wait. There's plenty of waiting to be done in this world. We wait for mealtimes. Wait for the alarm to ring in the morning. Wait for the time to start our jobs and then wait till we can go home.

Waiting, for Nellie, is just another opportunity for worry. Yeah, she's just stuck on this worry bit right now. I can't seem to keep her mind off it.

This week has been the usual. Go to interviews. Wait for the rejection letter. Wait for other potential employers to call. Wait for the interviews. Wait for further notice.

This week, she sucked it up and sent a letter and documentation to the disaster-loan agency that they've been working with to repair the flood damage from last year, asking for more funds because unforseen cost overruns have left them $5,000 short of what they need to finish the job. Even while the heavy rains of this spring are creating more damage, Nellie worries about how to finish making last year's fixes! Wait. wait.

She could be waiting weeks for them to reply. In the meantime, she worries about further rains flooding the not-even-completed basement. She worries about the everyday bills, now that Ned's overtime has been cut by 5 hours/week and could go down another 5 per week soon. Without that extra overtime, the budget will be almost impossible. Her only response will be to cut vital services such as internet (eeeks) and satellite TV (which we all know she'd happily live without, but Ned would be very unhappy without).

I've been working hard all week, trying to figure out ways for Nellie to let go of all this worry. It worries ME that she's so worried.

On Saturday last weekend, her oldest daughter went to a town nearby to visit friends. Her father lives in that town and despite Nellie's concerns, the daughter showed up unannounced at her father's house, asking to see her siblings (whom he's kept from her for two years now to punish her....long story). He met her at the door and flatly refused her. Told her that she had to "apologize" for everything that's happened (long story) before she'd be welcomed in their home again.

Well, even though this is rather what Nellie expected her ex-husband to say, it was still a shock to get her daughter's report of such. It sent her into a tailspin emotions and I thought she was going to have another crying fit. But she did not.

Instead she decided to turn her attentions to something productive. She began to re-read and edit her major work of fiction again, a chore she's been putting off for months now. It gives her some comfort to read about fictional characters suffering through what she and her sister did. Somehow, it puts everything into perspective for her and gives her hope. After all, even though it's not a perfect resolution (as many fiction books give) her characters do gain resolution in the end. All questions are answered (at least somewhat) and they all have peace.

Well, no sooner did she set her sights on finishing this project and got a few hours under her belt but her older sister called. Oh boy. Nellie is the middle of 3 sisters who grew up together. Both Nellie and the older sister have the same set of parents. The younger had a different father. The older 2 have other half siblings from their father's side. Two different sets.

But for the 3 sisters who grew up together, their mother is the thorn in their side. Family-wise, that is. And mother is really losing her mind. Seriously. I wouldn't put anything past Nellie's mom at this time.

I may have mentioned before, maybe not. But Nellie's mom has paranoid schizophrenia. At least that's the conclusion of her daughters. But of course, their mother doesn't believe it. If you know anything about this condition, you know that nobody can talk "sense" into the person who's suffering from it. Nobody. Nohow. Noway.

And yet, the older sister has been at it again. Trying. Of course, that just stirred the pot even more. And so there's chaos of the highest order within the family right now.

Just one more thing Nellie did NOT need in her worry-bowl right now.

So I've been thinking. While it probably isn't any type of a fix at ALL, I am going to set up a worry-jar for Nellie. You know those clay jars that you see in gift magazines and even at wal-mart that say "shopping fund" or "retirement fund" and other humorous options? Well, I'm going to designate a jar or something for Nellie. I'm going to set a pad of small note papers beside it. And every day I'm going to make Nellie write one thing on it that she will consciously put out of her mind that day. Just one thing. The next day, she can choose not to worry/thing/ruminate/worry/ponder/contemplate or worry about something different.

Now, hopefully Nellie won't just worry MORE about the other things in her life those days. I don't know if she worries because there's so much to worry about or if she'd do the same amount of worrying (excessive worry) if there was only one itty bitty teeny weeny thing to worry about.

I do know from experience that Nellie does have the ability to not-worry excessively. I've been around for times like that. They do exist. They will come back. But somehow we have to break this cycle of worry right now.

Sure, it would help if she were able to snag a good-paying job with decent hours and doing something she enjoys. It would also help if she could figure out how to get the funds to finish the basement up and put her yard back together (it's washing away in the rains and is a huge mess). It would also help if she had adequate funds every week to pay all the bills and not wonder how she's going to grocery shop again (the damned economy has been seriously wreaking havoc on the family budget).

But if I took all those things away (IF I were able to, of course) would her worry go way down? Would it go back to normal? Or is this a giant swirling vortex that she's not going to be able to swim out of without professional assistance?

I wish I knew. I'm still tossing out ideas to her now and then, about setting up some appointments with a counselor. But so far, no dice.

In the meantime I, too, am playing the waiting game. I wait for Nellie to determine to make a change.

Plop, plop, fizz fizz...

Nellie can't seem to catch a break lately I think... she did, indeed, get all her medical stuff taken care of this week. A job interview is what prompted it, actually. She started thinking that if she got a job offer, it would be helpful if her annual exams were all underway already.

So. How did it go? Very strangely.

First off, she put in a request to see a different doctor as her primary physician. Since moving to this clinic (insurance change) 5 years ago, she hasn't really ever found a doctor who understands her. The last guy was obsessed about her heart and cholesterol. So what? Her bad cholesterol is higher than normal. SO is her good cholesterol!

Besides, cholesterol, like weight and exercise are difficult things to think about when you're fighting a battle with stress that keeps you literally paralyzed with worry.

So Nellie hasn't ever really dealt with the cholesterol yet. And she knew that if she went to see the same doctor, she'd just get another lecture and be forced to justify why she's not taking the medications he prescribed (several times... he got to where he was mailing her an rx and a brochure every so often!).

So she requested to be seen by a different doctor. A D.O. , a Doctor or Osteopathic Medicine (as opposed to an M.D., a Medical Doctor). Supposedly they are supposed to be more in tune with the whole body and how one thing affects another, etc. She thought maybe this guy would clue into the role that stress is playing in her life and medical issues and that perhaps he would refer her on to a counselor or suggest some sort of medical intervention for temporary use.

But no, he didn't. Neither. Neither did he clue in to her stress (he seemed to agree stress could be causing her medical issues, but didn't ask enough or clue in enough to see how stressed she is) nor did he refer her on to anybody who would.

He did refer her to neurology, however, in case she's having migraines. Which she likely is, but stress-induced perhaps. Well, the Neurologist was not terribly helpful either, and in fact, he told her "you don't look stressed to me!"

Well, let me tell you, that pissed me off! And Nellie, well, she just about burst into tears, but managed to hold back. She gave him the 30-second rundown on stress and was even more explicit with him than she's been with most doctors. She told him she's been having crying fits and about the "hamster" who never stops running in her head (how she worries all the time). He listened, seemingly quite bored, and when she was done, he stood to inform her that she seemed quite healthy "for someone with only one kidney."

Ack!!! Nellie protested to the nurse, who thankfully was a little more in tune than the doctors she's seen. Her question to the nurse was this: what do I have to do for them to see how stressed I am? Do I have to go in there and cry like a baby or what? By this time, she was actually crying. But the doctor was nowhere in sight.

So her foray in to the medical world left her more stressed, ironically. I'm not entirely sure what she's going to do now, although I think she should just put in a call to the clinic's mental health department and ask to be seen there. Hopefully they're not such clueless clods.

One thing that Nellie said to her online group of friends today made me see a connection that maybe I haven't really talked about yet. She said to them that she's always had trouble "letting go" of trauma in her life. Once the event is past, she can't seem to shake it and move on. This is very true!

Past traumas are always there haunting her. In her dreams, in her actions, her subconscious. And she doesn't know how to exorcise them. Like demons, in a way, they eat at her, keep her from feeling peace and joy and prevent her from moving forward.

And in the same way, perhaps, I am so hard for her to let go of for the same reasons. Maybe when she learns how to "let go" of her past, her trauma, her hurts, can she let go of me?

Of course, you know, I'll always be here in some form. After all, I'm necessary. But I don't mind being a lot smaller than I am now. In fact, I spend considerable time turning excess calories into future storage and I'm running out of space to store these calories. I'm going to have to open up some new territory here if she doesn't stop eating so much soon. And I could use a vacation, here too! I'd like to sit back and not have to work so hard all the time!!

So unless Nellie wants to start seeing fat rolls on her knees and elbows, a third belly roll falling over her pants or a huge double chin, she needs to cool her jets.

I challenge Nellie to work on "getting over it". I know, I know, some things are too current to "get over" (construction nightmares) but there's plenty else she can "get over" and move away from now that will likely provide some relief to her.

Relief. If only it were as easy as Alka-Seltzer. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is. Okay, I'm showing my age. I'm gonna quit for now!

~Flo

eGADs

Today I'd like to continue our discussion from last time, about the hamster on the rat-wheel (why do they call them rat-wheels anyway?) in her brain.

Nellie is part of a group of online moms from her home state. There are maybe twenty of them or so, about 15 who are really active members. And when I say active, I mean it. Their online forum posts easily 4,000+ messages in a month!!

At any rate, while she hasn't been explicit about revealing my new 'role' in her life to these friends, she does share most other things with them. She told them today about the discussion with her daughter and one of the members suggested it was an anxiety disorder, not just simple 'worry'.

That is logical, and thanks to the internet, she just punched in a few key words & in moments was at Mayo Clinic's website reading up on generalized anxiety disorder. The following was what I found most personally interesting:

Certain factors that may increase your risk of developing generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) include:

• Childhood adversity. Children who endured hardships or adversity, including witnessing traumatic events, are at higher risk.
• Illness. Having a serious illness, such as cancer, can make you anxious. Worrying about the future, your treatment and your finances can become excessive and overwhelming.
• Stress. A buildup of stressful life situations may trigger excessive anxiety. For example, having a physical illness, along with the stress of missing work or losing pay, may combine to cause generalized anxiety disorder.
• Personality. People with some personality types are more prone to anxiety disorders. People with unmet psychological needs, such as having a close relationship that isn't fulfilling, may feel less secure and may be more at risk of generalized anxiety disorder. In addition, some personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder, also may be associated with generalized anxiety disorder.
• Genetics. Some evidence suggests that generalized anxiety disorder has a genetic component that causes it to run in families.

Other than being a relatively free of major illnesses during her life, Nellie pretty much has all the other points to consider.

Her early childhood was most traumatic and stressful, as were her teen years with the foster parents from religious-hell! Go from that to her traumatic first marriage where she was continuously put down and told she was a bad wife and mother and even threatened physically, and I think you could say she's had her share of lifetime trauma and stress.

Check out the bullet called 'personality'... people with unmet psychological needs, such as having a close relationship that isn't fulfilling, may feel less secure and may be more at risk of generalized anxiety disorder.

What was it I was saying not too long ago about Nellie being 'lonely in love'? I think that would definitely qualify as an unmet psychological need.

And genetics, well, we've already covered that base. There's plenty of evidence that a genetic tendency towards worry and anxiety is there.

I'm still working on her to put in that call to her doctor & just see what they say. In the past (during her divorce from aforementioned domestic abuser of a husband) she'd spent a good long time in psycho therapy working on cognitive behavioral modification. It was very helpful to her and perhaps that's the avenue she should seek now.

Oh, but that requires....money... and with the construction costs soaring way out of control, finances are a major stress. So she thinks that she shouldn't go causing MORE financial stress by seeking help.

Logical on one hand, Nellie, but come on now, you know it's necessary!

As for dieting, I just do not see how Nellie is going to even so much as cut back right now. Her eating this week has been pretty disastrous. As in disastrous. As in an entire pint. By herself. In one sitting. What?? Well, just a bit of BnJ's!

Tsk Tsk...