Nellie can't seem to catch a break lately I think... she did, indeed, get all her medical stuff taken care of this week. A job interview is what prompted it, actually. She started thinking that if she got a job offer, it would be helpful if her annual exams were all underway already.
So. How did it go? Very strangely.
First off, she put in a request to see a different doctor as her primary physician. Since moving to this clinic (insurance change) 5 years ago, she hasn't really ever found a doctor who understands her. The last guy was obsessed about her heart and cholesterol. So what? Her bad cholesterol is higher than normal. SO is her good cholesterol!
Besides, cholesterol, like weight and exercise are difficult things to think about when you're fighting a battle with stress that keeps you literally paralyzed with worry.
So Nellie hasn't ever really dealt with the cholesterol yet. And she knew that if she went to see the same doctor, she'd just get another lecture and be forced to justify why she's not taking the medications he prescribed (several times... he got to where he was mailing her an rx and a brochure every so often!).
So she requested to be seen by a different doctor. A D.O. , a Doctor or Osteopathic Medicine (as opposed to an M.D., a Medical Doctor). Supposedly they are supposed to be more in tune with the whole body and how one thing affects another, etc. She thought maybe this guy would clue into the role that stress is playing in her life and medical issues and that perhaps he would refer her on to a counselor or suggest some sort of medical intervention for temporary use.
But no, he didn't. Neither. Neither did he clue in to her stress (he seemed to agree stress could be causing her medical issues, but didn't ask enough or clue in enough to see how stressed she is) nor did he refer her on to anybody who would.
He did refer her to neurology, however, in case she's having migraines. Which she likely is, but stress-induced perhaps. Well, the Neurologist was not terribly helpful either, and in fact, he told her "you don't look stressed to me!"
Well, let me tell you, that pissed me off! And Nellie, well, she just about burst into tears, but managed to hold back. She gave him the 30-second rundown on stress and was even more explicit with him than she's been with most doctors. She told him she's been having crying fits and about the "hamster" who never stops running in her head (how she worries all the time). He listened, seemingly quite bored, and when she was done, he stood to inform her that she seemed quite healthy "for someone with only one kidney."
Ack!!! Nellie protested to the nurse, who thankfully was a little more in tune than the doctors she's seen. Her question to the nurse was this: what do I have to do for them to see how stressed I am? Do I have to go in there and cry like a baby or what? By this time, she was actually crying. But the doctor was nowhere in sight.
So her foray in to the medical world left her more stressed, ironically. I'm not entirely sure what she's going to do now, although I think she should just put in a call to the clinic's mental health department and ask to be seen there. Hopefully they're not such clueless clods.
One thing that Nellie said to her online group of friends today made me see a connection that maybe I haven't really talked about yet. She said to them that she's always had trouble "letting go" of trauma in her life. Once the event is past, she can't seem to shake it and move on. This is very true!
Past traumas are always there haunting her. In her dreams, in her actions, her subconscious. And she doesn't know how to exorcise them. Like demons, in a way, they eat at her, keep her from feeling peace and joy and prevent her from moving forward.
And in the same way, perhaps, I am so hard for her to let go of for the same reasons. Maybe when she learns how to "let go" of her past, her trauma, her hurts, can she let go of me?
Of course, you know, I'll always be here in some form. After all, I'm necessary. But I don't mind being a lot smaller than I am now. In fact, I spend considerable time turning excess calories into future storage and I'm running out of space to store these calories. I'm going to have to open up some new territory here if she doesn't stop eating so much soon. And I could use a vacation, here too! I'd like to sit back and not have to work so hard all the time!!
So unless Nellie wants to start seeing fat rolls on her knees and elbows, a third belly roll falling over her pants or a huge double chin, she needs to cool her jets.
I challenge Nellie to work on "getting over it". I know, I know, some things are too current to "get over" (construction nightmares) but there's plenty else she can "get over" and move away from now that will likely provide some relief to her.
Relief. If only it were as easy as Alka-Seltzer. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is. Okay, I'm showing my age. I'm gonna quit for now!
~Flo
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